What could be so wonderful about this?

I'm about to get sentimental on your ass....

2006-09-15T01:06:27Z

So I went to Milio's (same as Jimmy John's) to grab some food tonight and while I'm waiting in line I glance at the cashier and I'll be damned if she didn't look exactly like my friend Tiffany who passed away last spring. I almost had a freakin' heart attack. And I seriously had to do a double-take. My god, I can't even explain the feeling I had at that moment...so f-ing surreal...like something out of a horror movie.

I had one of those moments on Monday, too. We went up to Cedar Rapids to see my aunt and uncle visiting from Cali, so we decided to take my mom some new flowers. So, my family bought 4 plots in this place, two for my grandparents and the other 2 defaulted to my parents because of my mom. With this place, you can only have plaque markers, not headstones, and spouses have to have one big one for the two of them, so we had to include my dad's info on my mom's at the time. As if that wasn't creepy enough picking out what we wanted it to say for my dad, it hit me hard for some reason on Monday that that's where my dad will be buried eventually. It never occurred to me until now. And I wondered to myself if he hadn't already thought the exact same thing. How morbid is that? To be standing over the place where you'll be buried, to be reading your own grave marker....it's like you're catching a glimpse into the future, a glimpse of your own mortality...impending death...so final. Freaked the crap outta me...this is why I'm not a Halloween person.

In a few days it will have been 2.5 years. Hard to believe...kind of amazing, the human spirit's will to persevere. After my grandma passed a few months later, I didn't really see the point in it all...didn't see how things could get better....I lost a lot of my faith and a lot of my will. But I think I'm slowly gaining it all back...finally getting back to the person I was before it all. I've definitely had my moments, when Tiffany and others passed away since then, where I faltered again and slumped back into a funk....and I know I'll continue to have those moments. But I'm here now, damnit, 'cause it's my life to live...and I owe that much to everyone I've lost. There will always be a giant irreparable hole that can't be filled in, but that won't stop me from trying.

On a sad note, I took it upon myself to stick Crayola Bunny in the washing machine today. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of meeting him, Crayola is my oldest stuffed animal friend and one of my fondest childhood memories. He was the first thing I bought with my own money and my mom and grandma made a huge deal about taking me to the mall to buy him. His fur's definitely a little worn...my mom used to do this huge production of tucking him in, too, when she told me goodnight as a kid. So yeah, needless to say I still have him after all these years. But he was looking a little dingy as I started to pack some things up for Chi. So I stuck him in the wash and his little overalls were so worn that they ripped! I even put it on the delicate cycle, but the poor little fella's now pantsless. I even looked on eBay to see if anyone was selling one, but no luck. I was sooo sad when I took him out, lol. But at least his head didn't fall off! That would've been devastating.....

If I never ride in a car again, I'll die happy....

2006-09-11T06:03:02Z

Just got back from the good ol' family vacation about 4 hours ago....longest road trip EVER. Even when we were little and drove everywhere, I don't remember driving as much as we just did this last week. Ricockulous!

So we left pretty much right after the Iowa/Montana game last Saturday afternoon...drove almost all the way through Michigan and made it to Niagara Falls Sunday afternoon. Let me tell you, for those of you who've never been....I feel sorry for anyone who honeymoons there. Not only was it not what I'd pictured from all the hype, but I'm pretty sure we were the only English-speaking people there. I've never seen so many hideously Euro-dressed people in my life! Goo! Luckily, from there we headed to Boston...got to see some historical stuff, then we made a last-minute decision to get tickets for the 2nd Bo Sox/White Sox game Tuesday night. It f-ing rocked. I hadn't been to a MLB game in at least 15 years. We did the obligatrory drink at Cheers and the walk around Boston Common....the 17th century cemeteries were pretty sweet. I'm not normally a huge history buff, but I have to admit that being in a city like Boston that's so rich in American history sparks a least a little interest.

From Boston we drove to Cape Cod in search of the Kennedy compound...we looked not all that hard for about 20 minutes, then gave up and drove back through Boston on our way to NYC. Got into the city around 5:30 and somehow managed to sit in traffic under the George Washington for less than 15 minutes! We spent the rest of the evening with some old family friends. My dad used to work with Frank, this short little Cuban Chinese man who bought my mom "earmugs" to keep her ears warm when they visited one Christmas. His wife, Maria, is Cuban and her father used to drive an ice cream truck around the city. Their daughter, Tiffany, has always been this little girl in my mind....we first visited when she was a baby and I haven't seen her since we all met up in Chicago about 10 years ago. She's now a senior in high school and it was so weird to see her all grown up. In traditional Latino style, we ate a huge Cuban meal and then sat around for hours just talking and talking with them and another family we knew from back in the day. We attended their son's 3-yr-old Ninja Turtle birthday party the first time we went out there and now Danny's 19 and in college. Again, weird!

Anywho, we spent the entire next day walking around Times Square, 5th Ave., Central Park, etc. We ran into Rupert G. at the Hello Deli, but Letterman wasn't taping until this week. Took the train down to Ground Zero. While I'd been told upfront there wasn't much to see and that construction was supposed to start soon, I felt like it was just something I needed to do for myself. I didn't know anyone directly involved in the tragedy but my heart goes out to the victims and their families. Even to this day I feel so weighed down just thinking about it all. And even then, seeing people taking pictures of the site....I know it sounds ridiculous but I felt outrage...like, "how dare they!" I dunno, it felt so wrong to me. To me, the site isn't a tourist spectacle...something you document and show in your vacation slideshow at the annual holiday party. For me, going there was a necessary part of coming to terms with what happened and feeling not only more connected with an American tragedy, but more at peace with those who died. Staring into that huge concrete was symbolic for the gaping hole that was ripped through our hearts and our innocence. No matter how many more skyscrapers and status symbols we build on top of that hole, that emptiness will always exist. Okayyyy, enough of that....I get really pensive when I'm super ass tired. So from there we walked all the way back up to Times Square, through Greenwich Village and Soho..quite the trek, I don't recommend it!

This is getting long, I'll wrap it up...we drove out to Syracuse Friday, stayed in a really nice hotel in the middle of the ghetto...front desk people didn't recommend walking the 6-8 blocks to the Hawkeye Huddle that night, even in groups. Uhh, point taken. Tailgating in Syracuse sucks major monkey balls, as does watching college football in a giant, inflated balloon. I nearly had a heart attack a dozen times. Our starting QB was out with a strained oblique, whatever the hell that means, and we only got word of this an hour before kickoff. Our backup QB is worthless, so thank God our defensive line could miraculously hold off Syracuse in double OT....they had 8 opportunities in a row to score from the 1-yd. line and our defense held 'em every time. A W is a W in the record books, but that's not the way I like to win. Sure as hell doesn't bode well for the rest of the season, especially if Tate doesn't come back soon or has a recurring injury.

Aaand, we drove 13 hours straight today to get home....also don't recommend that. As I already told Heather, it's funny how easily one forgets the frustrations and annoyances that come with living out of a suitcase for a week and being with your family 24/7. I love my guys, but sometimes they get on my nerves! My dad has a GPS and it works great....but does he listen to it half the time? NO. So we get lost, he gets confused, frustrated, pissed off, which in turn frustrates and pisses off my brother, who's frantically looking on the map while my dad continues to disregard the route recalculations by the nice British lady on the GPS. And then there's me...I knew we were going to Boston and NYC all along....I have friends in both cities...Keith and Erin in Boston and my high school friend, Ross, in Manhattan, but did I remember to get their contact info and warn them of my visits? Of course not *headdesk* Grrrrr, maybe next time?

So, how about an update? The recruiter for the job I interviewed for in Chicago a couple weeks ago called and, according to him, it looks like I'm the one they want to hire, so he wanted to confirm my references so he could check them out. I also came home to find an e-mail from a theatre I'd applied at a couple months ago. They finally got around to sorting through piles of resumes and asked if I was still interested in the position. Hopefully I can set up an interview soon, seeing how I'm doing next to nothing for 3 weeks until I move! Guh, I would be so elated if I had a job lined up in the next month or so. I can't tell you how much of a relief it would be. Then I could really sit back and say, "I finally made it on my own."

Longest post, EVER, but hey...I figure, (1) I haven't posted much recently and (2) I've been away from computers for a whole week! Deal with it!

P.S. Walking past all the fancy stores in NYC does NOT, I repeat, does NOT help my shopping addiction. Shit! G'night!

Fucking goooooo Hawks!

2006-09-02T12:43:55Z

Yes, folks, it's another Big 10 football weekend here in the IC....who's ready for some big-ass turkey legs?! The stadium renovation is finally finished and it looks amazing...now if only I had a seat in the luxury boxes. How stupid is it that they'll sell alcohol in the $50,000/year luxury boxes but not in the rest of the stadium? I should sue for discrimination based upon income.

And it's a football kinda week...we have Montana today and I'm leaving right after the game to road trip to the east coast with my bro and daddy for the Syracuse game next weekend. Soooo, I'll be computer-less for over a week. Sad, I know. But I'll have my phone, you guys know the number. So yeah, that's where I'll be in case you start to FREAK OUT that I'm not signed on for 10 days in a row.

Have a good holiday weekend everyone!

Of course the fun would begin when I'm about to leave....

2006-08-31T04:14:12Z

I have 2 days left at Pearson...but technically only 1 since Friday will be spent taking a 90-minute lunch and basically chatting with everyone. It really kinda hit me this week. I got back into the office on Tuesday and every time I run into someone they're like, "Don't leave me!" One of the artists there randomly made me a quick computer sketch of some old cartoon strip...not sure why he picked it since it's way before my time and certainly isn't an inside joke, but he's a sweetie. Maybe it's just me, but it seems like since we moved to our new facility last spring, I've gotten a lot closer with most of the group that moved with me. And dare I say, I'll miss quite a few of them. There are some freakin' hilarious people, let me tell you.

So after almost a year there I managed to convince a couple of my immediate group members to grab a few drinks after work. Why we couldn't have been doing this since the beginning, I couldn't tell ya, but tonight was a blast. Around 4, the 3 of us looked at each other and said, "Fuck this!" and we left early, went down to a local pub, and it just happened to be "Wednesday After Class" specials....$2 domestics and margaritas. Needless to say we drank quite a bit and it was really good times. And who would've thought that Micky's margaritas are 90% tequila? And there was something in there about running a 5K dressed in an inflatable octopus costume. Not sure where that came from. But I'd like to give it a try one of these days. Anyway, point is....the good ol' sentimental side of me is kicking in. Damnit, I swear if they make me say something to the group at lunch on Friday I just might lose it....and that just makes me mad 'cause I don't like them that much, ya know? Blah, as much bitching as I've done in the last 11 months, I have to admit that looking back it's been a pretty good ride overall. Could've been worse.

Alright, kids....let's wrap this up. I'm out like trashy rip-offs of crappy-to-begin-with reality shows. Word.

I feel like I'm back in college....

2006-08-23T23:44:15Z

.....when the weekends started on a Thursday since I had no Friday classes. This weekend is gonna be FAB-U-LOUS! Aside from the fact that I have to go into work tomorrow morning for a couple hours to wrap a few things up, my weekend officially begins now. Heather and I are leaving at 11:00 tomorrow, might make a few pit stops on the way if the mood strikes. And it probably will. Then we have a show tomorrow night at the HOB. I looooove that place so much! Friday's up for grabs...probably hit IKEA and who knows what else. Saturday, again no idea, but I've got plans to drink heavily Saturday night and possibly a bit on Sunday. Hopefully I'll come out alive 'cause I have an interview on Monday afternoon....which means another day of no work!

I'll be back sometime Monday night, and then only 4 more days of hell until (1) Hawkeye football begins and (2) I leave for NY for more Hawkeye football and some drinkin' with the boys. Shibby!

Anyway, the point is that I'm excited....so excited and I just can't hide it....I'm about to lose control and I think I like it. M'hmm, you heard me. "Dee, I'm outtie!"

hawkeyegurl @ 2006-08-16T08:54:00

2006-08-16T14:07:59Z

I know what ya'll are thinking..."Whoa, Allie. Two posts in two days?!?" The answer is yes, I'm back to my "I'm bored at work" mode and since I have less than 2.5 weeks here I figure a little slacking off is in order.

Plus, our Microsoft system is running at the speed of a Special Olympic hurdler. I've been waiting for an e-mail to open for a solid 5 minutes...recockulous. Great, and now the sun's shining in my eyes. I tell ya, the window view is more of a curse than a blessing. And now I've got that damn pop-up dialog box with the countdown to my automatic system shut-down and I can't hide it. It's in my way and I don't want your flippin' live updates, thanks! Could I possibly complain anymore? Is anyone listening to me? Bueller? But seriously, I swear, the more tech-savvy this company gets the more problems we have with our systems, which only wastes my time.

Umm, yeah, that's all I've got. Peace, love, and cheese doodles.

hawkeyegurl @ 2006-08-16T00:07:00

2006-08-16T05:45:42Z

Why does the coffee at work have to suck my white ass, ball? It's all watered down but yet extremely bitter. Seriously, we've got people down in Texas working at 3 a.m. and people like me who don't go to bed 'til 3 a.m. Where's the employee love?? If only Starbucks was on my way in the morning.....

So the Cubbies are STILL tied 6-6 heading into the top of the 18th.....THE 18TH!!!! Longest game for them this season...couldn't tell ya why I'm still up watching it.

I'm excited 'cause Bob Schneider's coming back to the IC on Friday. Remember that show I was dragging my feet about last spring and ended up totally loving? Yeah, that was Bob. And now I couldn't be more pumped! Plus, I haven't been to a show since Dave in July....that makes me wanna cry!

CUBS SCORED!!! Now 8-6, still top of the 18th. Shut up, you like the running commentary.

But uhh, yeah. This thing has gotten out-of-control boring, huh? Maybe 'cause I never do anything anymore but work. And trust me, I've bitched enough about that lately. Sooo, I'm really hoping that Chi offers me some writing material. 'Cause this thing used to be funny and random and I used to actually talk to people on here on a regular basis. I'm still random, but it's not funny anymore, and maybe this fad is dying out? Seems like a lot of people have stopped posting as frequently. Except my Michelle!!! I can always count on you for an update!

1 out away from a win!!

CUBS WIN! CUBS WINNN!!! And that's all I have for tonight.....word.

hawkeyegurl @ 2006-08-13T13:51:00

2006-08-13T19:13:06Z

I've always felt kind of sorry for Monday. I mean, it gets kicked around and dumped on soooo much, ya know? No one likes Monday, and I'm no exception to the rule, but how would you feel if everyone told you how much you suck once a week? How would you feel if no one looked forward to seeing you, no one wanted to hang out with you? It's sort of sad, dontcha think? Poor lil' fella.....

In other news, Mapquest is still a dirty, dirty whore. I have 13 days of work left and 10 days until I get to head back to Chicago for another fantabulous weekend that's sure to rock my face off. Unfortunately, last week started to drag, much like I had anticipated. Before I gave my notice, the weeks seemed to be flying by. And now that my projects are starting to get passed off on other people, I'm left with very little to do. The prospect of 3 more weeks just sitting and twiddling my thumbs like a jackass doesn't enthuse me, but twiddle I shall.

Again, the girl whom I thought hated me at work did another random act of kindness.....she set up a going-away lunch for me at The Vine on my last day and invited the entire Iowa City group. Even the VP said she'd try to make it. That creeps me out a bit. Everyone's been so flippin' nice about me leaving and generally excited for my adventure that it makes me feel even worse for moving away. Hell, during my exit interview the VP was even giving me a list of her favorite restaurants in Chi and telling me stories of when she worked in the city. WTF?! Be mean to me! I inquired as to the possibility of working remotely from Chicago since a number of our staff do so down in Austin and even out in California and Maryland, but no dice. Not an option for my group, although no one really understands why not. Would've been nice to maintain the income, but like my oh-so-smart brother asked, "Do you really want to stay with Pearson? Don't you want to look for the career you want right off the bat?" Touché, Brother, touché.

Time to go look for some new Hawkeye shirts...as if I don't have enough already. But as I see it, a new season, a new collection. Stay classy.....

16 more days of hell....

2006-08-08T23:36:34Z

I hate training stupid people!!!!!! Like I didn't expect to have to do it, but still....doesn't mean I want to!

So here's the scoop. I used my little adventure in Chicago last weekend as an "excuse" of sorts to tell my boss I quit. I dropped the bomb on her yesterday and just told her straight up that I wasn't happy in IC and my friends had been begging me to move there for some time, and that they finally succeeded over the weekend. She sent out an e-mail to our group today even though everyone had already heard, but she said she was very surprised. Woopsidoodle! I'm sure deep down she knew I wouldn't stay forever. But she asked me this morning if I'd sent our VP my letter of resignation yet and when I said yes she said, "Darn, I was hoping you'd changed your mind overnight." Umm, wishful thinking lady!

Anywho, so now I'm stuck training one of the most incompetent people EVER on my projects for the next few weeks. Boo! And I've come to realize that I'm extremely impatient. Not just at work, but in life too. Maybe it's just that I have soooo much to look forward to in Chi that I can't focus on work anymore. Hrmpf. I did get a lot of really supportive comments from coworkers though. I sent out my news to my project managers and the other project leads and they came back with things like, "You're dynamite!" and "You'll be leaving some extremely large shoes to fill" and "Are you aware that Chicago has horrible traffic? Maybe you should stay here!" Again, always nice to hear that your work is appreciated and valued. I may not enjoy my job 100% but I put 110% of my effort into it...on most days. It would be even nicer to hear those things from the person you work with the closest, but I won't hold my breath. I don't have a death wish. She's severely lacking in social skills.

P.S. I'm sooo glad Justin's bringing sexy back.

Holy birthday, Batman!

2006-07-27T22:58:08Z

Turning 23 didn't seem like a big deal, so I didn't treat it like one, which meant not having any expectations for the day of my glorious birth. Maybe I should do that more often 'cause my birthday totally kicked ass! I got to work late to find a cookie cake bought by the girl in my group that I thought hated me. Another girl brought more cookies, and she just got back from a 3 week Mediterranean cruise (bitch) and she brought us each back a little Italian bracelet. How sweet! My good friend who works with me took me out for a 90 minute lunch, lol, and it was yummy. My lover left TONS of messages all over the Internet for me and sent what seemed like a ginormous care package, and my HoJo personally delivered the prettiest roses EVER to my office. I totally felt like THAT girl even though it wasn't from a hot boyfriend. Even today people kept coming up and freaking out about them. Nice work, lady! I got Chinese food with my daddy (I think I gained 5 lbs. yesterday), we watched a bit of "So You Think You Can Dance" 'cause we're obsessed with it, and then I caught "The Devil Wears Prada" with my girls. I ran into my old roommate and her husband at the theater, so that also rocked! Not to mention all the messages people left for me throughout the day, especially Tiff's "OHMIGOD YOU'RE MOVING TO CHICAGO WITH ME!" message.

Had an eye doctor appointment this afternoon 'cause I've been getting headaches a lot lately. Yup, I'm getting glasses. I'm gonna look like a total goober. Or maybe just really damn sexy. At least I only have to wear 'em while at work, on the computer, reading, etc. For anything that's six feet in front of me or closer, the doc said. Umm, does that mean I have to wear 'em when I'm eating dinner since the plate is only a couple feet from me? Or when I'm making out with some dude since his face is -2 inches from me?

M'kay, that's all. Tomorrow's Friday. Double woot.

hawkeyegurl @ 2006-07-23T22:33:00

2006-07-24T03:57:13Z

Another weekend down, another week begins....

Tiff came to town and we went out Friday night. It was pretty much the three of us (me, Tiff, & Heather) bellied up to a table ordering drinks one after another with some shots and some doubles thrown in the middle for good measure. The taking of numerous photos ensued around 11:30 and basically consisted of us taking pictures down our shirts and making weird faces at each other. Keene showed up a little later, she went to grab a drink and we never saw her again. Tiff was named "Fastest Pee-er" at Bo James, I made it clear that I refused to pay $1 for a condom from the vending machine and we figured out that guys would stop if they could see Heather's undies.

I still hate Brothers and most of the douches that go there, I surprised a gay man with the size of my "jugs" (hey, Fridge can feel me up anytime damnit!), and some guy told me I was hot from the other side of the window at Pancheros. Major ego boost for me that night. Although the guy wasn't all that hot himself. Go figure. Oh yeah, and Heather received a fish pen from the guy we shared a cab with. He wanted us to come in for after hours but Tiff had the ouchy hiccups and sleep sounded so good.

Speaking of which....g'night! And of course, the obligatory, "I don't wanna go to work tomorrow, wahhhhh." Peace.

hawkeyegurl @ 2006-07-19T22:46:00

2006-07-20T04:14:14Z

Umm, yeah. So this week seems to be flying by. And at this point I'm not sure if it's good or bad. I want the next 6.5 weeks of work to be done more than anything, don't get me wrong. But I was working late tonight and my group leader, who I usually refer to as my boss, started talking to me. I had asked if I could get a day off for a long weekend 'cause my dad wants to go somewhere. And she kinda mentioned how we do that a lot. Which we have...I took time off to go with him to Missouri, then to Colorado, and I'll be gone for a week with him and my bro in NY in September. I'm not sure if someone told her about my mom or not because then she said something to the effect of, "What would your dad do without you? I bet he's glad you ended up staying here instead of moving." BAM! Biggest unintentional guilt trip EVER. She doesn't know I'm quitting at the end of August, much less that I'm quitting to move to Chicago at pretty much the same time as our temp, my high school friend, is also moving to Chicago. But our moves are totally unrelated. Regardless, my boss is gonna think I planned this way in advance, which I did but didn't want her to know. And then she was all asking me if I was planning on taking any more time off besides that week in September. Guh, I felt so bad not telling her the truth because in all honesty I know they're gonna get slammed when Jo and I leave. And my two projects are really intense right now so I'm working a lot of overtime. I just hope they slow down toward the end so I don't feel like I'm dumping on everyone.

My dad was playing golf when I got home so I took it upon myself to go shopping for some shoes. I do this when my dad's gone for a reason! The man seems to keep tabs on the number of shoes I own and he never lets me live it down. But my point is that I totally feel better now. I've got some shiny new digs and I realized that I have no reason to feel bad. They don't own me, I didn't sign a contract.....plus, I'm giving them a month's notice, I've already told my project manager since she's my friend's mom, and I also told one group member 'cause she can be trusted and will most likely be the lucky sucker who gets my extra work. People have left with much less, right? In fact, I think I'm being uber considerate and shouldn't be so concerned in the first place. I just HATE when people dislike me or hold a grudge, so I try not to act in a way that might bring any of it up.

M'kay, mini bitchfest ends now. Tiffany's coming back this weekend and we're gonna hang on Friday, Heather said we're gonna get DRUNK since my birthday's in a week. It's weird how birthday's seem so insignificant at this age. I used to get SOOOO excited for my birthday. We're talking "pee your pants" excited. And now it's just "meh." Ah well, can't win 'em all, right?

And I realized tonight that most of my stuff, except for what's in my bedroom, is still packed from a year ago. Throw some bags over my clothes, call me a U-Haul and I'm outta here! But for now, it's off to bed for me. I'm out like socks with sandals....

7 weeks and counting....

2006-07-08T01:39:41Z

Time for an update, but Heater already beat me to the punch! Damn you! I have a few things to add about the holiday weekend, though, highlights if you will:

* Dave played my FAVORITE song for the 2nd time in 4 years. Heather had to use the potty a few songs in, so I went with and as we were heading out of the restrooms I heard the familiar, yet faint chords....I thought I was dreaming, or maybe wishful thinking until I actually got outside. And thankfully I didn't miss too much of it! I heart "Satellite" and I don't know why!

* On our way off the lawn to the sidewalk that led down to the restroom, we pointed at a couple and what we thought was their woven whale blanket as our point of reference for finding our way back. The dude turned around and amusingly informed us that it was a dolphin blanket, thank you very much. So I asked the guy if he would wave and make dolphin noises when he saw us coming back up the hill (it was getting dark around this time and it's a BITCH finding your spot again at Alpine. Sooo, we listen to "Satellite" and then start back up the hill. And low and behold, the dude does not disappoint. All of a sudden I see him pointing and making Flipper sounds. Seriously? Funniest thing at that particular moment.

* No one got bitten this year.

* I still did not get drunk, despite the last-minute pounding of a 1/4 bottle of Jager. Umm, can someone tell me how that's possible? Was I born with alcohol already running through my veins?

* MapQuest is a dirty, dirty whore.

* The smoke alarm in our apartment is REALLY loud, lol.

* Turns out I'm not such a huge fan of guys that spend half the night hacking up their lungs because they smoke too much pot while I'm trying to fall asleep at 3 a.m.

The weekend was great, I wish my Lover could've been there, but definitely next year. Our Dave party keeps growing and growing! I had a lovely short week at work and my boss was nowhere to be found. At first I was pissed 'cause her taking off Wed.-Fri. was the reason why I couldn't have an extended weekend and my Lover couldn't come out, especially since she only took off work to do housework and I had a legitimate reason for wanting off. BUT, since there was nothing I could do about it but bitch internally, I relished in the fact that she wasn't in my face for three straight days. Might've been the best 3 days of work EVER. Time went by quickly and I got tons of stuff accomplished, which never happens because she's DISRUPTIVE!

I do believe I'm traveling to Des Moines tomorrow to see my bro, possibly catch the new Pirates movie and take in an I-Cubs game. And maybe go shopping? Or maybe I'll save that for Sunday. It's an addiction, I swear.

And ya know what I hate? Blow-drying my hair in the mornings. It's like an Easy Bake oven in my bathroom! What's worse, it has to be done 'cause my hair gets all frizzy when it air dries. Soo, my hairdryer stopped working last week. I JUST bought a new one a few months ago and I dunno what happened. It's not the outlet because the dryer has lights on it to show the level of "ion" and it lights up, but maybe the fan part broke? Anyway, pissed me off. Ladidaaaa....

Why don't I ever have any good stories to tell anymore? Remember that time I puked in my dorm closet the Friday night of finals week and then locked my bathroom key in the bathroom? Or the time when I practically drank an entire bottle of Jack by myself, then proceeded to throw up in a nasty boys' toilet as a very large and scary dude stood over me and told my friend I'd be fine, stop her whining? Or how about the time that I fell asleep on the bar during a class bar crawl and then had everyone in class ask me the next morning if I was okay? I need to learn when to say no to free shots. But why bother? I never drink that recklessly anymore....sadly. And for the record, NO, sneaking extra shots of Jack into someone's Jack 'n Coke all night when they're not looking, and then replacing their drink with straight Jack when they're too tipsy to notice is NOT funny. Needless to say, Jack and I are no longer friends.

P.S. We're having one hell of a Halloween party the weekend before Halloween. I may or may not dance topless in a cauldron of boiling goo. Either way, you'd better be there. And bring your green hat. Time to get jiggy with it....toodles!

CHICAAAAAAA-GO!

2006-06-06T04:11:00Z

So I feel like I've been going non-stop for the last month, with barely any time to catch my breath let alone be a good friend to anyone. I don't know what my deal is. There was one weekend in there that just wiped me out. I think it was graduation weekend because I got hella drunk with some fabulous people and had such a blast, and then went to a party the next morning and worked all afternoon/evening.....and work all week wears me out anyway. And then the weekend after that I drove an hour and a half north and back BOTH DAYS for two different graduation parties, then work, then Memorial weekend I was in Missouri and got basically no sleep and the sun definitely took it's toll on my energy level, then work's been freakin' busy 'cause we're getting ready to relocate half of our group to another facility, so my little group is in charge of coordinating a bunch of tasks for that, and then I got up way too early last Saturday to paint for a few hours, then drove to Chicago and moved a friend and basically had tons of fun and then got back last night and I'm having to start the cycle all over again at work. It's like that run-on sentence right there....it never ends. But I'm grateful that my weekends for the last month and a half have been AMAZING.

But all I can say is that my mind is sharply focused on Chicago right now. Finally seeing Tiff's apartment and spending a weekend with her, Heather and Molly made me realize how life will be when I'm finally there. And even though we were all too exhausted (or sunburned!) to do much, it was so incredibly what I've been missing here in IC. I still don't think my dad's too excited to see me go, though. Last night after I got home I started looking around at jobs again, and he must've been too 'cause he yelled out that there was a local marketing position with Panera. I felt so bad saying it but I just blurted out, "Dad, I don't want to be in Iowa anymore. No offense to you 'cause you're one of the few things for me here, but I'm drowning otherwise."

But yeah, I just applied for a marketing assistant with McGraw-Hill in downtown Chicago. They publish educational materials and textbooks....sooo, kind of a perfect blend of marketing, which I want to get into, and educational publishing, which I currently work in. In my mind I'm like, "Why wouldn't they hire me?!" but in all practicality I probably won't even get a phone interview. Hrmpf. Part of me would love to go there without a job in October and just be lazy for a month or so, but the other part of me doesn't wanna blow the money I've been through hell to save up these last few months. I'm really hoping that these next few months fly by. They might with all the things coming up: random road trips to visit Tiff and Molly and see some shows, Dave in July, my dad wants to maybe go to Colorado for a few days at the end of June. There is no point whatsoever to my incessant ramblings so I'm going to bed.

P.S. This entry sucks. As have most of my entries since I entered the "real world." Apologies.

SO F***ING PISSED OFF!

2006-05-24T23:05:53Z

Wait, let me check....nope, still hate my job. But now, I hate it even more. There are currently 6 people in my group and we all cover each others' asses when it comes to our projects and someone wants to take a day off. I nicely requested July 5th off yesterday, hoping to use that day to extend a weekend where I might get to see my lover. Two of my group members are already out that entire week (one girl is on a cruise for 3 fucking weeks in July!) and our team leader came in this morning and, with absolutely no empathy or sympathy, told me she isn't going to let me have that day off. "There are too many things going on that month." Umm, excuse me, but I checked our project calendar for deadlines, AND NONE OF MY SHIT IS DUE THAT WEEK! None of the projects for which I'm a backup are due that day, so why the hell can't I have the day off? There would still be 3 of them in the office that day in case something came up. Ugh, she said it in such a snotty, condescending way that it made me wanna grab her where she stood and rip her fucking ugly head off. People themselves don't usually make me cry, but I wanted to bawl this morning out of all the anger and resentment I have toward her.

And what's worse? She continues to treat me like a temp instead of an equal member of the group, which I have been for 3 months now. She still takes advantage of me. She was out of the office yesterday and one of her projects suddenly came across a problem that needed to be dealt with right away. I dropped everything to handle it, and I'm still handling it and will be for the next week or so. It's that big of a problem. And then she has the balls to e-mail me this afternoon and TELL ME, NOT ASK ME, to do some little task for one of her other projects that would've been so easy for her to do. It only took me a half-hour to do it, but it's the principle of the matter. She didn't even ask to see if I was too busy with my own projects. She didn't even ask if I could do that for her. She basically ORDERED me to do it. I've got my own shit to do, I don't need to be wasting my precious time finishing up shit she just simply doesn't wanna do. Is she too important that she can't take 30 minutes out of her life to do one of the more mundane tasks required of each of our projects? Does she think she's better than that? Stupid whore....

And to top things off, I tried my favorite swimsuit on after work. I'm going to spend time at my aunt and uncle's lake house over the weekend so obviously we'll be swimming. But now, probably not me. It didn't fit! Well, it fit, but it just emphasized all my fatness. Maybe it'll finally motivate me to do something about it because I don't wanna be seen like this in a swimsuit, not even by family. I know I've gained a few pounds this last year, but it's in all the obvious places. Couldn't it just blend in instead of being pudgy in certain areas? Damnit all to hell....

And it's 90 degrees right now. WTF? I don't like that.

I'm gonna go continue being mad at the world while reading "The Da Vinci Code." Am I the last person to read this book? Probably...it's taken me forever to get back into my "I love to read" phase, but I've finally gotten there and I'm going full-force. Adieu.

Long time, no post...?

2006-04-28T16:33:06Z

So I had a fabulous extended weekend in Ohio. How, you ask, could I possibly have a good time in OHIO? 'Cause I got to see my Lover and her silly, silly friend Tiffany. Stop your silly-ness, you two. Stop it right now! Anywho, I won't bore you with all the little details but I had a blast and wish I didn't have to come back to reality. I've got pictures to share and ya'll would be proud because they are already loaded onto my computer. Now I just need to download them to Photobucket, but that bitch takes forever to load my images! I'll put a link in here when they're ready for your viewing pleasure :)

Anywho, work sucks...naturally. Especially after having so much fun away from this hellhole for a few days. Coming back reminds me just how much I really do loathe it. And I've cemented in my mind my plan to move to Chicago in October. I'm sad that I couldn't make it happen in June with Tiff-a-roo, but I would just feel more secure with another couple months worth of a job to save up some more money. 'Cause who knows how long it's gonna take me to find one in Chicago. Could be a repeat of last fall....no me likey. But I'll take what comes to me I suppose.

But here, the work is becoming even more monotonous and grueling. I feel extremely underappreciated by the people in my team, and often used....I feel like they still view me as a temp and not as an equal which pisses me off. They never bothered to ask if I wanted to be a part of the interviews for a couple new members of our group. Apparently my input and opinions aren't valued. Maybe it's all my fault...perhaps I'm alienating myself from the rest of the group somehow? But I really do try and socialize. It's not that I even care about being left out of their lives outside of work, but I HATE feeling ignored in the workplace regarding our projects. I just feel so unimportant once again. Although my group took over a project for another woman who got slammed with crap to do, and she gave us all Barnes and Noble gift cards for learning the stuff so quickly. So that was nice of her. But technically, she's not in my group. The people down in our Texas office that I report to on my specific projects are super nice and are always saying thanks for doing odd jobs for them and how much they appreciate my quick turnarounds....but it's not the same as having your immediate peers include you and pat you on the back.

Sooo...I'm frustrated and, to be honest, I'm thinking of quitting the 1st of September to give myself a little break. I know I don't deserve it, I've only been working a year and that I shouldn't be worn out already, but I am. Maybe not physically, but mentally and emotionally because of all the crap I endure here. I really do feel like their slave bitch. And that's not cool. But it will give me such an incredibly deep satisfaction to give my notice in the fall....they've basically delegated all the crappy roles and responsibilities to me because they "don't have time what with their own projects and all" so it'll be funny to see how they scramble to find a replacement or try and juggle everything without me again.

But yeah, just another old-fashioned bitchfest brought to you by moi. And now, the new girl that was hired but has been working as a temp for a few weeks is gonna get a laptop...WTF? How unfair is that? I've been working with the same crappy desktop this whole time and no one even offered me a laptop. They just have one laying around somewhere and decided to give it to Rosie. Absolute bullshit. I'm in charge of ordering supplies and little office accessories...maybe I should just start ordering myself a ridiculous amount of extra paper trays and pencil cups?

So, if I quit in September, I have exactly four months left of this crap. Can I handle it? I hope so. It's technically already been two months since I was hired permanently. Time flies when you're having fun....or bitching a lot?

Alrighty, I'm sure everyone's gonna come back from their meeting any minute so I should wrap this up. I'm off to Des Moines this weekend to celebrate Tiff's pending graduation and to get cronked with my bro. And then I get to work at DQ on Sunday...major boo. Only 3 more Sundays to go until I'm completely free from there. I definitely told my boss I quit before I left for Ohio and it was a huge weight lifted off of me.

Ugh, how could a four-day work week seem like forever? I wanna go home...

hawkeyegurl @ 2006-04-11T19:07:00

2006-04-12T00:14:03Z

Sooo...haven't updated this thing in awhile, eh? Eh, Pacha? I guess I don't have much to update on. I'm still breathing, still working, still ghetto fabulous. I've re-upped my efforts to find a job in Chicago. Tiff wants to move June 1st. Not sure if that'll happen for me or not. Right now it seems unlikely, but ya never know. I'll give it the ol' college try. Why does that phrase even exist? It's not like any of us really tried all that hard in college, did we? So why would I compare finding a job and moving to Chicago to the effort I put in to my schoolwork? The answer is I don't know. It just seemed like the right thing to say.

In other news, my 4-day weekend with the best lover EVER is fast approaching. At approximately this time next Thursday I will be in flight on my way to OHIO. And seeing as this is an important little trip, I've decided to get the necessary documentary tools.

This hot little number followed me home tonight.....how precious!

That's about it for me as of late. And I think that impulse buy oughtta keep my shopping addiction quiet for awhile. Peace, love and cheese doodles!

hawkeyegurl @ 2006-03-08T18:34:00

2006-03-09T00:40:34Z

So guess who's obituary was below Tiffany's in tonight's paper? That of an old neighbor......he lived 5 doors down from my old house across town. Early 40's, a little heavier...he had a heart attack at home and died later at the hospital. Left behind his wife and two really young kids. Really great family...we used to walk their Husky in the summers and I babysat for their older kid a few times. I remember how great they were at checking in about my mom periodically. It's just so sudden that I can't even imagine. At least my family had somewhat of a warning, not that that ever makes anything easier or anyone ready to accept it. It's just not fair......

hawkeyegurl @ 2006-03-08T17:53:00

2006-03-09T00:00:41Z

The world lost one of the sweetest people on Monday.....and I didn't even know about it until just now.

I hung out in Spain with her senior year in high school, had so many classes with her, always ran into her and chatted forever whenever I'd go to Wal-Mart because she worked there. She was a friend, although we never hung out too much outside of school. Many of my close friends, however, were her close friends. She was honestly one of the nicest, most genuinely sweet girls I've ever known. When I found out last summer that Tiffany had cancer I thought for sure she could beat it. She was so light-hearted, determined, strong....and for awhile she was doing well. Things gradually got worse and she wasn't handling the treatments very well. But I still thought, she's gonna beat it...tons of people have problems with the treatments. She'll get through it.

But on the day of her own bachelorette party, just over a week before her wedding, the cancer beat her instead of the other way around. And it breaks my heart.

hawkeyegurl @ 2006-03-01T17:59:00

2006-03-02T00:36:37Z

Things haven't been going so badly this past week and a half...For the most part, work has kept me preoccupied with new (read: different and not boring) projects and lots of people have stopped by to congratulate me and tell me they're glad I'm there. Which is nice, always nice to feel like you matter. But someone brought in about 10 boxes of Girl Scout cookies and decided to share with the whole office...where does he put them? IN FRONT OF MY CUBE! Guh, I had cookies staring me down all freakin' day. Needless to say, I indulged in a few to the dismay of my ever-growing tummy. And I guess today was only "Round 1"....there's more?! Please send the cookies to another good home tomorrow!

More good news, I get to see my lover at the end of April for a few days...I'm uber-excited! We're gonna go see RENT and we might get to play with monkeys! Can you imagine?!

And even MORE good news, Dave has announced his summer tour dates and we're on for another weekend of Jaeger-induced mayhem and general disregard for public decency at Alpine Valley. Frankly, I'm not sure I can wait for either of these bits of good news to hurry up and get here.

But despite the good news abound, I still can't help but have moments of "UGH!" I can't help but feel that I'm not completely whole...my life is lacking in what I thought would be in full swing by now. Maybe I'm just too eager to grow up? Or maybe I AM grown up but my life hasn't caught up with me yet.....Either way, it's gettin' me down. So if you stumble upon the meaning of life on your way to the bars, be sure to let me know. Chanks.

And when the HELL is "Love Monkey" coming back on???? I heart Tom Cavanagh and I heart music...put the two together and you've got one of my favorite TV shows.

Oh, and I'm quitting DQ....as soon as I develop the nerve to call her and tell her. It's been a drag working full time and then devoting half of my lazy weekend to that hellhole. For quite a while, it's just been annoying. But now, it's fucking annoying and just plain obnoxious. This past Sunday was the clincher. The city was "working on our water line" so our water and our soda tasted like antiseptic. But instead of going out and buying gallons of water and liters of soda, our owner just put up a note to be sure and tell our customers that it all tastes funky. Major inconvenience...when people ordered hot food, they got upset that we had NOTHING for them to drink with it. They looked at me like it was under my control and I was just being a major bitch. Yes, I like to withhold cold beverages from thirsty people just to watch them squirm. You caught me. And THEN, it was freakin' hella busy 'cause the weather took a turn for the slightly warmer, and I had to work with one trainee and one regular girl. Understaffed as it was, and then I had to compensate for the new girl's continuous mistakes. And I had to do all of this with a raging headache and no caffeine, strike that, NO COLD LIQUID OF ANY SORT, to ease my pain.

Righty-O....peace out, jiggas.

hawkeyegurl @ 2006-02-23T14:13:00

2006-02-23T20:46:11Z

I could sense ya'll were foaming at the mouth for an update.....

Pearson called me at my work number Wednesday afternoon to offer me the job. I suppose I'll accept it officially tomorrow, since I haven't heard back from the Englert. I moved cubes last Friday so I'm actually sitting with the rest of my team and people that will talk to me. Which is nice. At first I loathed moving because where I was before I could pretty much slack off and surf the 'net when I got tired of working on a project. I could check my non-company e-mail and LJ at will without fear of someone seeing that I wasn't "on task." But in the last week I've found that the work isn't so bad with people near me now. The days have gone by quicker it seems and I actually feel like a part of things now. Don't get me wrong, I still think this job blows pretty much, but what can ya do? At least I'll be saving money and can get some medical things out of the way. I haven't gotten my eyes checked in at least 10 years...woops.

But now am I gonna need the money? Miss Heather, are you backing out on Chicago?! Lady, I will literally drag you kicking and screaming to the city come August so you can either go willingly or you can fight it like a rabid banshee. Your choice.

A headlining story on MSN earlier today? The possibility of an Iraqi civil war as militant groups become even more violent and outspoken. This is a genious artlce, "Bush's Grand Plan? Incite Civil War in Iraq". While I can't honestly say that I think it's what Bush INTENDED in starting all of this 3 years ago, I do believe this is where his administration is leading Iraq. And unfortunately, he's taking every American down with him. Granted, the article was written just over a year ago, but it appears to have held true and, more importantly, seems to be increasing in poignancy as Shiites and Sunnis continue to clash. This whole thing is just sad. And it's making me absolutely sick to be an American. And it makes me even more sick to see the people who actually support the war......do they not have access to newspapers or TV's? Have they no idea what's actually going on in Iraq and the alleged war on terrorism? By inciting a war on terrorism in the first place, Bush has only succeeded in ensuring that countless future generations will have to continue fighting a war. You can't eradicate every last terrorist on earth, dumbass. Even if Bin Laden is captured or killed, a philosophy won't die out simply because its leader did. What the hell kind of Pandora's Box has Bush opened here? UGH....I just want to beat some sense into his damn head! With an aluminum baseball bat! That's spiked with sharp nails! I kid...I could never inflict physical harm on anyone, but you catch my drift, no?

I'm tired and could literally sleep for a week straight. If only....

I've come to the conclusion that I have a caffeine addiction. For as long as I remember I've always had some sort of headache....a faint, dull throbbing constantly in the back of my head. Not realizing until recently, a soda seems to make me feel much better for several hours. Which totally sucks. I've been trying super hard to cut down on soda but now it seems as though I'm dependent on it. I could quit, but that's why I've been feeling like poo lately. Not quite sick enough to stay home but definitely not comfortable. Sooo, I dunno what I'm gonna do about that. Geesh, what would I do if I was addicted to crack? I complain now, but imagine the withdrawal symptoms of that shit! I need a fix....

hawkeyegurl @ 2006-02-15T11:08:00

2006-02-15T17:33:21Z

I am the laziest slut on this earth.....so last night after dinner I eagerly made my way to Target to pick up a copy of Grey's Anatomy: Season 1 seeing as how it had just been released yesterday and was only $17. Of course, Target is out of stock. So I go to Best Buy.....also out. So then I try ghetto Super Wal-Mart thinking, "No one that would appreciate Grey's Anatomy would go there to buy the DVD." They were also out. But to affirm my original thought, after I asked the loser in the movie department when they'd be getting more copies in, I started to walk away but heard him ask his co-worker, "Wow, popular show....what's the deal with that?" Case and point.

A gentle note to the two stores I frequent, Best Buy and Target: Did you not realize that the show has won awards and is the buzz in television dramas right now? Why the HELL would you order so few copies for the first week of its release? I know about supply and demand, but honestly, I find it annoying to have to keep driving out there to check if more are in stock. My experience with Best Buy and iPod jackets was that every time I checked back, they were out again because they'd only ordered 2 or 3 in the next shipment. Hmm, think about it and order several more than you think you'll need. Because with certain items like iPod accessories and Grey's Anatomy, you can't really overbuy. You're not gonna have a surplus at the end of the day. So I just ordered it on bestbuy.com. And had it shipped to my place instead of picking it up at the store, 'cause I had this thought of going there to pick it up and someone saying, "Oh, we sold your copy by mistake, we have no more left....would you like a raincheck?" NO, I WANT MY F***ING DVD!

Aaaaand I'm good. Aside from the fact that I feel like taking the rest of today through Friday off of work....for no particular reason other than I feel like it. I really don't think I'd be like this if I had a job I enjoyed doing. It's not that I can't work 40 hours a week....I'm not really THAT lazy. But it's hard to stay positive when you get up in the morning knowing you have a particular project to tackle that day, and for the next 2 weeks straight, and you despise doing it. Really puts a damper on.....umm, everything. And I know I complain about this job sooooo much. Like, everyday. And it's good money and all and now I may get to stay in it "permanently" with benefits (permanently for me would equal about 5 more months) but I would seriously rather work full time at DQ. It's that bad. But alas, I'll stick it out whatever the circumstances because I'm a money-grubbing whore and need to save as much as possible if I'm gonna move outta here without another job lined up. Just don't expect the bitching to end.

My dad's making some sort of Cuban shredded pork for dinner tonight. Smelled reeeeally good while it was marinating. Kinda can't wait. Time to head back to hell. Later kids.

hawkeyegurl @ 2006-02-13T22:06:00

2006-02-14T05:09:58Z

I had a very productive/lazy day if that's at all possible...I heart oxymorons. But seriously, I was in an interview from 8-11, went home and regrouped, then had another interview from 1-2.....very long and intense day of talking about myself, something I absolutely despise. The first interview was really a series of 6 interviews with a total of 10 different people, two of whom were on a conference call from Texas. I was somewhat nervous about that part because it's so difficult to convey yourself accurately over the phone. But they both mentioned that I had an extremely dynamic personality, so hopefully that will go in my favor.

The second interview was with the Englert here in town doing marketing and development work for them since they've reopened last year...they still need a lot of infrastructure and whatnot so it'd be exciting to get in on the ground floor of things. Won't pay too well, no exhaustive benefits, but meh. I don't usually hurt myself or get sick too often. And the experience is perfect. Not to mention that being able to tell future employers that I helped to build the structure of the theater would be amazing. Blah, watch me not get a call for either and then I'll be back out on my ass in no time.

Anyway, after the second interview I ran a couple errands and picked up movies for $.99 Movie Monday. I rented Just Like Heaven and In Her Shoes...only got through the first one. It was cute, kinda cheesy, but I'm a sucker for Mark Ruffalo AND Reese Witherspoon...she's so fuckin' adorable it pisses me off. And the song in the opening credits? "Just Like Heaven?" I KNOW Tristan Prettyman sings that, but is her version a cover or was the film version a cover? I so confused.....

Jo's gonna watch In Her Shoes in my bed with me Wednesday night 'cause she's been wanting to see that. Yes, you read that right. IN MY BED WITH ME.

What else....I was devastated to hear that Michelle Kwan decided to forego the Olympics. She's my fav and I really wish she could've had one more shot at the gold, but I understand it's better to go out this way with her dignity than to have an awful performance and be remembered that way for eternity.

Related? Adorable per usual. If a guy existed out there who was exactly like Bob, I'd be all over him in a heartbeat. And Alex is such a disgusting pig. May he die of gonorrhea and rot in hell.

And The Bachelor? Is it really necessary to keep repeating lines like "Which of these two women will be one step closer to becoming a doctor's wife?" As if his profession is any reason to fall in love with him...ugh. That doesn't define him and his profession's contribution to his lifestyle shouldn't define the woman he marries either. The show basically exudes the notion that all women are golddigging whores.

And at the risk of coming across bitter and angry, could Valentine's Day BE any more pointless and annoying? Do you REALLY need one special day to let someone know you love them, or to feel loved for that matter? Shouldn't you feel and express those feelings freely and frequently toward the person you love? And not rely on a cheesy, overpriced Hallmark greeting card to do the work for you? And no, the one thing a girl wants most is most definitely NOT a box of Russell Stover chocolates. If you must succumb to the holiday, at least do it in style and with a little ingenuity and sincerity. Don't go for the box of chocolates 'cause that just screams, "I don't care about you enough to think of a really good gift that's personal and, to be honest, I forgot it was Valentine's Day so I stopped at the local gas station after work and this was all that was left." Valentine's Day and I are in a fight. And I just suckerpunched it in the balls. GAME OVER.

On that note, ya'll can find me Tuesday night at one of our fine local drinking establishments enjoying a frosty beverage with a couple of Iowa City's most fabulous ladies.

hawkeyegurl @ 2006-02-12T10:45:00

2006-02-12T16:46:05Z

If there is someone on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

hawkeyegurl @ 2006-02-02T22:08:00

2006-02-03T04:10:53Z

M'kay, Michelle....the whole "your name looks like a" thing was HI-LARIOUS! I can't pick just one, so here's all of 'em:

"Allison looks like a Republican mom in waiting"
"Allison looks like a young Stockard Channing"
"Allison looks like a keeper"
"Allison looks like a turkey?"
"Allison looks like a drag queen" (What's with this? Is every girl a drag queen?!)
"Allison looks like a degenerate"
"Allison looks like a doll baby!!!"

Whew, that was fun! Ya'll should try it!